I think I need to start writing some shit to go with the genesis of the music and talking thing, because I am more and more convinced that if I fully nail down what it is I will have no choice but to go forward with doing this thing. It’s a crazy idea, but it’s a gimmick, and that’s what you need now. You can’t just be one thing anymore.

You HAVE to be a YouTuber that does TV or Movies, or a TikToker that does crappy lunch meals.

So what’s my thing?

What I do, for lack of a better word, is “motivational speaking“. But please, don’t run away. I have a story that a lot of people see as inspirational, I just see it as water cooler talk. See, I am on disability currently for mental illness. So, I see my therapy as my job. I see the doctor’s appointments as a mechanic, and I see the semi-annual “rehabilitation check” as a performance review. If I come across as too sane, they will promote me to be someone who can work. The problem is, I’m not sure if I am good enough at my job to work out at the promotion. So, I’m trying to figure out what to do next and the only thing I know how to do at a professional level, in my own humble opinion, is talk about myself and make musical things. They often have visuals with them, and sometimes they have words, but usually I just want to replace the sounds of screaming in my head. I love listening to music, I always have and putting music over music to create better music just seemed logical. Then putting short bits of music together with other short bits and layering effects on that just seemed logical. But then something happened. I started understanding how to write. And I realized instead of trying to create a whole song from beginning to end, I could just make up those small bits that I was using and store those and then mash them together until I had enough. That meant writing everything myself. Then a friend loaned me a bass, and through all of this, I am thinking, “why am I not singing? Why am I not voicing these feelings or explaining what I am thinking about?” And I kept coming back to, “ I am not a poet. I just don’t think that way. I barely speak English, and it’s the only language I know.” But I know me. And I know what I have seen, and I know how to articulate about what I have been through in this life. And it has been an exceptional life, to be sure. So, why not marry the two? Why not figure out how to make a multimedia show that puts it all together? So first, I published some songs I wrote, and I got a response. Much more than I expected. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing viral. But a realistic, inspiring number. The kind of number you think to yourself, “I mean, it’s possible, right? Lots of people say it’s good? To my face, they do. They may be clowning it hard behind my back, but to my face, they say they like it.” So the music’s going well, but I’m having trouble with the insta. So somebody suggests trying YouTube, and I know I have a bunch of videos I have made, so I should render those and then I also have those ones I did for MutualEsteem.Solutions my TikTok thing…But I watch the Mutual ones in between the music ones on a playlist, and I think DVDs are coming back…What if…Make something crazy YouTube playlist with both music and shorts and such…wait a second….

Bingo.

Now, how do I publicize this? Still working on that one. Haven’t found the hook yet. Still sifting and figuring out what to finish and promote and when I can start doing new things. But then it hits me.

I’ve seen this before.

I’ve helped some artists prepare for exhibits before, and every time I see them go through what they have already done, sometimes for too long, and then avoid doing something new because they are afraid of failing in front of others. Musicians do the same thing. They promise a “jam band” or “jazz experience” and “anything can happen,” but it never does, does it? It’s always pre-planned. Everyone has read “The Art of War at this point; we all know better than to embarrass ourselves. But what if we didn’t?

What if we just followed a little planning, but mostly what just seemed right? What if we leaped and then figured out how to fly?

That’s the intent, anyways….