I feel like I talk an awful lot about feelings, but not so much about using those feelings for creativity. I think the biggest problem I have is that I am not a tremendously creative person. I don’t go Into making a song knowing what I am going to do, generally speaking. I may have an idea of what kind of sound I want to make, like a big booming beat, or something thoroughly distorted and chaotic, but it’s not like I know going into a song that “This is going to sum up the emotions I feel about not having a dad any more”

Lately I have been going out to smoke and when I can’t find anything to read or keep my attention, I launch AUM, then I start working on what the kick drum will sound like, or the hi-hat. I keep layering additional sounds until it feels like the beat has enough to form a skeleton for the section. Then I will add some additional noises, generally using Fractal bits or Relic Flow to make some strangeness. I will let this run for sixteen bars and add some randomness to it, so it’s not just sixteen bars of the same thing. I like to use filters on the rhythmic elements because it adds a lot of movement to the beats. I also tend to rely a lot on the mutation and glitch knobs in hammerhead (my current favorite drum machine because it can add SOOooooo much to a basic bar).

Anyways, once the basic rhythms are formed I will use glitch step and glitch core to create the arpeggios for the beat. I have been stopping once I get some good aggression going because I intend to eventually bring those recordings into logic where I will do most of the editing. I generally move to the laptop at this point because I like to finish and edit on a bigger screen. I can’t really say what I do there, not because I am trying to hide my secret sauce or anything, but because this is where I have gotten stuck currently.

I find myself in far less of a hurry to get anything done because at the moment I am still grieving the loss of Walter, and it feels like I have lost my partner. I’m used to looking to him to figure out where to go next, but without that guidance, I don’t know what to do or where to go. This is the problem with grief, it takes a while to rewire your brain to solve these problems on your own. I know I can do it, I just don’t have the motivation to do it.

It’s a lot like this blog in some ways. I know I have shared it on Facebook, but I don’t feel like really pushing it out there. Not that I was ever going to advertise it, but I haven’t told many friends where to find it, because I’m not sure I am going to finish it at any point.

I like the idea of trying to put out an article every Monday, and then posting random thoughts in between, but at this point I don’t know what I have to say, and why those thoughts are worth reading yet, I am just trying to get into the habit of making sure I have something written before the end of the week. But the last two weeks, I haven’t had any pressing issues that I really needed to get off my chest. I went back and scuttled my old blog to try and find things to write about. I feel like I want to build this blog out to cover all of my interests. But it’s hard to explain to people why they want to read my thoughts on mental wealth, musical creations and/or the tech I find fascinating. I know I can be very entertaining when I want to be, but lately I’m not sure what my point is, so I kind of feel like I am just writing to make sure I write, and that there is content here that somebody may want to read. I guess that where the creativity comes in. Or lack thereof.