The last week has had a number of events that have filled my little cold heart get filled with some optimism. Not a feeling I am used to, mind you, but here I am nonetheless typing up this little missive with Lord Remington in my lap, desperately trying to get some love from me. Rubbing his furry little head against my chin, with my goatee draped across his snout. So if this is briefer than usual, I apologize, it’s very difficult to concentrate with pussy all up in your grill…

So in reverse chronological order; I looked at an apartment today that got me very excited today. I didn’t want to mention it with my mom right there, But I swear my dad whispered “you belong here” in to my consciousness while we were there. The neighborhood is a little run down, but the apartment looked fantastic! Big open rooms, nice renovation. A little dark inside, but so. many. sockets. It just felt right in there, and I think I could see my stuff in there. Probably a wee smaller than what I have now, but still very doable. I really liked the bathroom even. Even had a medicine cabinet behind the mirror!

I’m sold.

I’ve been working on making some friends in the building, and this week I sealed the deal by getting phone numbers. Now they are officially my friends, so good for me. Proud of that. Wish I had more female friends, but at least I am not just hiding in my apartment watching YouTube all day. This is growth, and I’m proud of it. I’ve been so afraid to reach out and meet new people for so long that I am just proud of myself being open enough to chat with others. At least I have some people I can ask for help when it comes time to start tossing trash out of my home. Good job, me!

I saw an article of news yesterday that didn’t fill me with rage. Granted, it basically said that a judge decreed racial profiling to be wrong, but still, I finally read some news that didn’t make me feel more dead inside. Small victories.

I started rewatching Foundation on Apple+ again. I do actually very much enjoy this program and can’t wait for the new season to be over so I can watch it.

I started putting together the ideas for an expose I want to write on dating while mentally ill. Don’t know who needs to read this, but I’m going to try and do real writing for once, not just spewing out my thoughts. I want research and such. I’ve never been a journalist before, so we shall see how it goes, but I would very much like feedback before and after I post this. Don’t know what to do other than ask others to leave comments. Again, we will see when that comes and how it goes.

How can I look like this-is-is-is and feel like I do?

• The Faint

There is a lot in the pot right now, I’m feeling generally hopeful and hoping things work out.